Done With You
by Dhampir
Summary: Shuichi's finally leaving Yukifor good. Oneshot, based upon a songfic.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Gravitation _nor any of the characters.  
**Note:** This is written to be sort of rantingly, so it's definately different from my normal style. Oh and angst is present, of course.

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**Done With You**

Three years. Three fucking years. And where has it gotten me? No where. I still warm the couch more than his bed, I still visit Hiro's house more than the couch and he still doesn't love me. When did it start going bad? From the beginning? For a while it was better, he smiled, he cried, he fucked me and we went on…

I look down at the deep amber liquid in my glass…amber…like his eyes. Shit, it's been a week now since I've seen that bastard and in that week I have spent more time in this dump of a bar than I have recording. I sit here and drink away the memories, or at least try to…

It's taken me three years to see that being with him is slowly killing me…three years of my life wasted on the fucking cold hearted bastard I tried to make love me, show him how to love, but that's impossible for him. Fucking bastard. Every time he threw me out, every insult he ever gave me, pierced my heart and chipped away a little more each time. Well, now my fucking heart's broken and there's nothing left to hurt. Now, I'm just drowning my sorrows with alcohol and brooding in this dark, dank bar.

There's nothing for me if I stay with him…nothing for me if I leave. Why couldn't he just fucking end it for good instead of leaving me pieces of what I craved for? Damn it Yuki! You're supposed to love me…shit I can feel the tears tracking down my face. I promised I wouldn't cry anymore! I promised I wouldn't love him anymore, but that's proving impossible for me. Slamming my fist down on the wooden counter I will the tears away, but they ignore me and soon I'm quietly sobbing, my face hidden in my arms. Damn it, damn it, damn it!

He calls me baka, he calls me brat, he ignores me, he shuts me out, he refuses to listen to me, he won't let me cook, he won't let me drive, he won't let me in! Yuki, you're the one I want, the one I love…the one who's special to me…so why won't you let me in? Let me see? Let me help you? Why won't you help me? Why do you let me stay here and drink away the pain you've caused? You won't save me…you won't help me, will you? Because you don't care, you never did…I really was just a good fuck.

I'm alone. Even when we're together, I'm alone. Even when you're fucking me, I'm alone…I'm broken Yuki and I can't fix me anymore. I can't stay, I can't continue this and love you while you just hurt me…I can't love you anymore. I'm miserable with you, I'm miserable without you, but as long as I stay near you…I'll never heal.

God how I hate you, how I wish I never met you, how I want you out of my life and God, how I love you. I say I can't love you anymore, but not loving you is impossible and never has a minute passed where I haven't loved you. I tear my heart open for you and bleed, but you don't see it, do you?

Silent tears tracking down my pallid face, I stumble out of the bar, I think I've been in here for ten hours…maybe longer…I can't remember anymore. How much have I drank? Has anyone thought to look for me? Does anyone care? Yuki doesn't care, do you Yuki? Because if you cared you would've loved me three years ago…

I wiped the tears away with my sleeve, pausing to lean against the bar side and find where I am. I looked up at the sky and shivered as a cool breeze brushed by me, a beautiful clear sky. I could see the stars shining brightly and smiled up at the sliver of moon. So beautiful, so aloof and regal…just like you Yuki.

I knocked on Hiro's door and waited, listening to the hurried steps inside almost running to the door. My red headed best friend slammed the door open and looked down at me. "Shuichi! Where have you been? It's three in the morning!"

"Sorry Hiro…" I said to him, smiling.

"You're drunk again." He answered flatly, crossing his arms. "Shuichi…"

"Please, not to night Hiro." I begged, "Tomorrow, please?"

He looked at my face, seeing something…maybe my tear streaked face and tired eyes, and nodded. "Tomorrow then." He whispered to me, finally letting me come in. I walk by him, not looking around the apartment and stumble towards my room…how had I gotten here? Was it by taxi? Had some random person just dropped me off? Or had I just walked here? Who the hell cares anyway?

I open the door to my room and slam the door, collapsing onto my bed and finally sobbing into my pillow. Letting out all my anger, all my hurt, all my frustration and all my love. I loved Yuki, I wanted him more than anyone else in the world and I'd gladly die for him! I told him I'd follow him into death if I had to and yet he still insisted on being so cold to me… Why couldn't he let me love him? Why couldn't he just love me?

I awoke the next morning before Hiro…looking at the clock it had only been four hours since I came back here. I groaned and slowly made my way to the bathroom before hugging the toilet and vomiting into it. My eyes closed as I moaned in pain and tried to keep my head up and out of the toilet. Damn, this is the only thing I hated about drinking, I could escape for a few hours, but then I'm hugging the toilet for a half hour.

Vomiting again, I could feel the tears coming again. At least it was less than before…A week ago I could barely stop crying. I wouldn't go back to his door, I knew it would be even worse if I did. This time he hadn't just kicked me out, but also broke almost all my CD's and DVD's. Hiro was the one who picked me up off Yuki's doorstep and brought me back to his house. The first two days all I did was cry, I couldn't stop, and I refused to eat or talk. I just locked myself away in my room and ignored Hiro's pleas to come out.

Then I left, going out to think and found that bar. It was different from the bar I usually visited…after three years of living with Yuki I was used to visiting bars and there was one that I really began to enjoy. The bartender was nice and there I could sing without a name, but…lately I wanted to be in a setting that matched my soul. Dark, crumbling and empty.

After another hour of vomiting and finding my legs again, I left Hiro's apartment, set on finding a place of my own. I walked the streets all day, ignoring my cell, and finally found an apartment that would be suitable. It was spacious, one bedroom, a living room and dining room, a bathroom and a kitchen. For me, it was perfect, I don't plan living there long anyways, just long enough to move out of Hiro's apartment and start my own life again.

Only one thing left to do…

I unlocked the door slowly and turned the knob, pausing. My hand is shaking, why am I so afraid? Would this truly be the last time I saw Yuki? Am I finally ending it forever? Three years of unrequited, unreturned love…was it really for nothing? Can I really leave him? Just thinking of the idea tears at my heart! I cannot leave him! I love him, everything about him, everything he is and isn't and everything I wish he was... No, I needed to do this. My heart is already dead, torn to shreds by his cold demeanor and his insults, and I no longer love him.

Opening the door, I laughed. No longer love him? How could I lie to myself when just entering his apartment is making me cry? I love him, I'll always love him, but I cannot stay with him…or I will die. Standing in the doorway, I wiped away the tears trailing down my face and finally took my first step into the apartment. I choked back a sob and swallowed as I slowly walked to the closet where my duffle bag was and dragged it out for the first time in two years…

Setting it on the ground I began moving about the apartment, placing everything that was mine into the bag…there wasn't much left since Yuki had broken most of my belongings. I walked about the living room, pulling down all the pictures of me I saw and threw them into my duffle bag. I grabbed my blanket sitting on the couch nicely folded and touched the couch softly, my bed. I caressed the blanket lightly before leaving my bed and carefully putting it into my duffle bag.

Walking into the kitchen I removed my one and only mug and also the picture of us on the fridge. Why the hell was he keeping these? Didn't he want me gone? Well, I won't leave him anything of me, it will be as if I was never here and not a trace of me shall be found. I removed my towel from the bathroom, looking just once at my reflection and not recognizing the man who stared back at me. Such eyes, such dead eyes stared back at me, cheeks red from crying matched red lips and pale skin trailed with tears contrasted with deep pink hair. This was what is left of me, he's killing me, the one I love is destroying me… Moving back to the living room I collected what CD's of mine he hadn't broken and then turned to the one place I was hesitant to approach.

I forced my body to move towards his room and slowly opened the door, looking into the dark room. Deep green sheets were falling off one side of the bed and my pillow was missing… I moved into the room and blinked back tears. I had been crying the entire time I walked through the apartment, but being in this room…this broke me. With sobs catching in my throat, I picked up my brush off his dresser, removed my clothes from the two bottom drawers, placing them inside my duffle bag, and then with trembling hands I picked up the last picture of us sitting next to the bed.

I collapsed back on the bed, smelling of sex and sweat, and stared at the picture in my hands. I didn't want to think how many people Yuki had had in his bed since our breakup…that was enough to destroy my soul. Not even a week and already he was fucking someone else… Tears poured down my face, I wasn't going to be able to do this, I couldn't leave the only one I ever loved! I stared at his beautiful face, that perfect smirk, those deep amber eyes and that silky blonde hair that I loved to run my fingers through and I died a little more.

I breathed deep of his scent, smoke and cologne, and turned over, burying my face into his pillow and letting out a sob. How could he do this to me? Why did he do this to me? Why couldn't I help him? I had given him everything, _everything!_ And he…he gave me nothing, not even his love. I gripped the sheets in my hands and let out another sob, I wanted him, Yuki, I just want you! I want you and nothing else, why…why can't you see that? Why do you insist I'm just using you and don't love you? Can't you see how much I love you?

I'm all alone now…and I don't want to leave. Closing my eyes, I could feel his lips on mine, biting and kissing at mine, his tongue sliding into my mouth, exploring and plundering it as he it rubbed against my own, his body slick with perspirationfrom rockingagainst mine and his hands moving across my chest, down my back and between my thighs. I could feel his fingers brushing against my nipples, his mouth on my neck as he thrust into me, making me scream as he filled me and completed me…

Shit…I'm crying even more now. I took a shaky breath and stood back up, there would be no more tears after this…This is the last time I shall cry for you Yuki. Slowly moving back to my duffle bag, I placed the picture into it and then picked it up, moving once more to the living room. I closed my eyes against the tears and finally zipped up the half filled duffle bag.

I looked around the apartment one last time, void of any of my possessions and shouldered the duffle bag. I wiped away my tears and sighed. So this really was it, this really was the end…I'll never see you again, will I? I'm finally moving on Yuki, are you pleased with me? Have you even thought that after three years I'll really leave you? Did you even think it was possible? I didn't…it took me a week of crying and drinking to finally see that living with you only causes me pain and kills me. My heart is dead, broken beyond repair, and all that is left is a shell of what I once was.

I love you…I always have because you're special to me, you're the one I love and cherish, but I can't do this anymore Yuki. I can't give and never receive, I can't hold onto the small pieces of love you throw at me. Are they even love? Only you can answer that, but now it's too late.

I opened the door and stepped out just to stare up at the one I love. Beautiful blonde hair, pale skin, piercing amber eyes and a young brunette woman hanging off his arm. I could feel the rest of me die with that woman…a solitary tear slipped down my cheek and I closed my eyes against the rest, clenching my jaw and taking a soft breath to face my ex-lover…Shit, I'm going to cry again. He's my ex-lover, he's no longer mine and I'm dying all over again. So it really is over…

"Shuichi? What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice cold and demanding, just as always.

I looked up at him and gave him a sorrowful smile. My dead eyes reflected in his beautiful cold amber eyes and I whisper only four words to him before walking away. I wonder if he'll feel any regret, I wonder if I can survive this…I know I'll try, but I don't think I can. Another tear slipped down my cheek and dropped onto the ground as I shifted the duffle bag. I don't look back, I won't because I know if I do, I won't be able to leave him and if I don't now…I'll never leave him.

I'll always love you Yuki, but I can't stay with you…"I'm done with you."

End

Dhampir  
Page 4  
2/27/05

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**Ah me, so very sad...sorta. I wrote this a while ago as you can see, and finally decided to post it. It was for a contest, I hated it but put it in anyway and it's based upon the song "Done With You" by Papa Roach. Anyway, since I can't really write right now, I decided to post my oldish stuff. **

**And for anyone wondering, this took me about twenty minutes to proof read and type this message here. So yeah, go one handed stuff.**

Dhampir


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